Misplaced Key

I have spent some time away from here due to recent family events, when I got the chance to put pen to paper last week I discovered to my horror that in my absence I seem to have lost my mojo.

Inspiration is not really a problem I have lots of that.  There is no flow to my writing. The results are just a  mish-mash of good ideas that I’m simply ruining.

When I first started to write it became like a type of therapy for me … An escapism! Whilst I was enjoying my creative streak I was bowled-over to also discover the benefits of belonging to a great community of like-minded people.  

I don’t want to be left out of this loop…  

I would be grateful of any tips to get me up and running again. Thank you x   :0)

The following was written in frustration. I decided to publish it because it’s the only piece that actually makes some sense amongst my growing pile of papers.

It is a vicious circle from red right through to purple                                               Painted rainbow is the colour making lives we lead much fuller

Don’t write me off I will be back for inspiration is not where I lack
 No written verse can I complete no paragraph can I make meet

The words are there on various pages though the time it’s taken seems like ages
 Outlined ideas that are eventually appearing make no sense there is no feeling

Impatiently I am waiting for the key that does unlock the nightmare that I’m having..
 This is ‘My Writers Block’ …

I don't know what you're talking about. I haven't seen any keys!

Note to Self..

Ambitious thoughts – motivation paused again!

Limited social interaction – causing lack of confidence

Too much time to think..

Do something rather than nothing.

No need for over reaction to well intended advice.

Have faith – stay hopeful.

Keep sanity apparent for your own sake.

Be the Enthusiastic Opportunist – be realistic too.

The passion for ‘IT’.. (whatever ‘IT’ is) will come.

Be patient!

Ranting is a waste of emotion – channel it.

Conceal self suppression – keep it at bay.

High expectations are allowed –  mistakes can be rectified.

Walk –  don’t run.

The intention is to have fun.

Be inspired – be creative – be YOU!

Paranoid Android

Talking, talking all around me in hushed muffled tones ‘what are they saying?’ I make out the odd word or two as my mind starts to run riot with obvious paranoia. This is not good.. Their saying my name, why? I’m trying to rationalise this with myself. Why would anyone be talking about me and mine at 3am in the morning. What makes me so special..

The talking is in my head I do know this, so why am I listening for it? and how come I can still here it.

My mind is playing tricks on me.

I can hear the humming of the fridge and hubby snoring in the bedroom, yet to my over sensitive ears the sounds are forming words, fridges don’t talk and snoring is not a language I speak.

Stop! I don’t like this it’s scaring me. Reassuring myself I sit here at the table alone.. except for the voices of course! If I wasn’t so deprived of sleep I would probably talk back, could be interesting instead I’m writing this down as a distraction from the madness – or is it? I’m writing about hearing voices that I’m well aware are in my head. So.. now I’ve burdened myself with being unable to decide what is more insane, listening for the voices that aren’t real or writing about them.

Oh joy!

At last the birds begin to sing signalling morning is near, they don’t have an opinion do they.. Aaargh!! If I listen hard enough they will! Upsetting myself now with the inability to differentiate between what’s real and what’s not, I stand to leave, Enough!! Sorry voices but you’ll have to chat between yourselves for a while whilst I go to close my eyes and pretend that I can’t hear you. Don’t worry I’ll be back soon. I always am aren’t I?..




‘As I lay him down to sleep I pray the lord his soul to keep. If he should die before he wake I pray the lord his sole to take. Embrace my beloved son o’ lord, let him rest for all eternity in your kingdom that is heaven. Born of innocence betrayed by insanity. Protect him from evil, shelter him from harm. The little boy I had yearned for taken from me far to soon, so vulnerable, so dependant, so young. My heart has been ripped from my chest, replaced with overwhelming emptiness yet filled with intense pain and despair. The ever-present voice in my head screams the same word over and over again… Why? Why? Any distraction found only through outbursts of unforgiving anger and rage. The circle of life has come to a halt, misplaced faith wasted on the expectant natural course of events. Shame and guilt not nearly penance enough for what I had allowed to happen.

I held you in my arms now I hold you forever in my heart.
Lives will never be the same again, but for you my beautiful boy with your cheeky smile and infectious laugh, I will endeavour to find some comfort and solace so as you may rest in peace.
Pain so raw, too much to bear. The loss of a future looms heavy, the light in my life shines no more.
Forever blessed that you came into my life,  for the time that we shared together and the memories I will always treasure.
I relish the fear for the revenge I must seek  from a well overdue act of retribution. I will continue to keep your memory alive and make your presence known. Your body may lie still but your spirit lives on. Close your eyes little one let us dream about the day, not to long from now when we can again share our lives.

‘Hush little baby don’t you cry
Daddy’s going to pay till the day I die’