Yes.. I am the great pretender
Immersed deep within my splendour
whilst it’s highly probable I’ll offend her
when my intention is only to defend her
from the rather butch looking contender
~ who thinks she’s in with a chance ~

You see sex is definitely not on the agenda
after a boozy fueled weekend, a mad bender!
On which it seems I was rather rude to the nice bartender
~ who only wanted to have a dance ~

Now I’m hoping that I can mend her
safely enabling me to send her
to the nearest late night vendor
even if a tenner I must lend her..  made worth-while for services I shall render

                                                                                             ~ as upfront payment in advance ~