‘As I lay him down to sleep I pray the lord his soul to keep. If he should die before he wake I pray the lord his sole to take. Embrace my beloved son o’ lord, let him rest for all eternity in your kingdom that is heaven. Born of innocence betrayed by insanity. Protect him from evil, shelter him from harm. The little boy I had yearned for taken from me far to soon, so vulnerable, so dependant, so young. My heart has been ripped from my chest, replaced with overwhelming emptiness yet filled with intense pain and despair. The ever-present voice in my head screams the same word over and over again… Why? Why? Any distraction found only through outbursts of unforgiving anger and rage. The circle of life has come to a halt, misplaced faith wasted on the expectant natural course of events. Shame and guilt not nearly penance enough for what I had allowed to happen.

I held you in my arms now I hold you forever in my heart.
Lives will never be the same again, but for you my beautiful boy with your cheeky smile and infectious laugh, I will endeavour to find some comfort and solace so as you may rest in peace.
Pain so raw, too much to bear. The loss of a future looms heavy, the light in my life shines no more.
Forever blessed that you came into my life,  for the time that we shared together and the memories I will always treasure.
I relish the fear for the revenge I must seek  from a well overdue act of retribution. I will continue to keep your memory alive and make your presence known. Your body may lie still but your spirit lives on. Close your eyes little one let us dream about the day, not to long from now when we can again share our lives.

‘Hush little baby don’t you cry
Daddy’s going to pay till the day I die’

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